The Ascension of my Messy Mind

Name: Tammi Truax
Location: Portsmouth, New Hampshire, USA
Occupation: Historical Interpreter, Writer & Mother

Photo by Flickr user h.koppdelaney.

Photo by Flickr user h.koppdelaney.

I’ve been a student of yoga
for five full years now,
and my daily practice
is to me, like breakfast.

Truly drawn to its healing
of mind, body and soul, all of me
has come a long way, sometimes
I even say – yoga saved me.

Physically, I am advanced.
My dog has never been so down,
my warrior so strong and solid,
and recently I stood upon my crown.

Sadly, I remain an amateur
because I cannot quiet
what master yogis call
“the monkey mind.”

I’ve worked at meditation,
the very purpose of the postures,
but in this area I don’t progress.
Mine the noisiest mind in the universe.

I try to meditate,
but I tend to ruminate.
I really want to meditate,
but I’ll secretly start to speculate…

about work I need to do, or
some guy I’d like to agitate.
Even with extreme effort,
I always deviate.

I focus on the breath, but soon
my monkeys start swinging
and away I go – – chasing
bananas instead of bliss.

My third eye wanders,
takes off on a walk about really,
sneaky and insolent,
my mind has a mind of its own.

Feeling like a freakish failure,
whose essence is clearly a mess, I have
vowed to conquer my wicked westernness,
believing it the way to true peace.

But it occurred to me early today
during my concentration’s dissolution,
that my clamorous cranium
isn’t full of pollution … but of poetry.

So with the acceptance
of the Buddha,
I acknowledge that
I will never be a
quiet and contemplative monk,
but I will always be
a very flexible poet.

I am That.


Tammy TrauxTammi Truax writes freelance from a bungalow not quite by the sea in Portsmouth, NH, where she also raises organic vegetables, flowers and children, with limited success. She also works as a historical interpreter at a local living history museum. When not reading and writing, she can be found in a local coffee shop, yoga studio, or on a hiking trail. Say “hi” if you see her.

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